Once the humble carry-all of markets and beaches, the raffia bag now appears in sculptural luxury versions, often with leather trim, a designer logo and the emotional confidence of something that knows it is wildly overpriced. Raffia says: “I am relaxed.” Designer raffia says: “I am relaxed, but I ‘m listed on Net-a-Porter.”
The sunglasses must be enormous. This is non-negotiable. They should suggest a film star avoiding paparazzi. Oversized, tinted, wrapped, vintage-looking, slightly eccentric — all acceptable. The point is not shade. The point is mystique. You may say, to mask.
Jewellery becomes beach jewellery, which is like normal jewellery but worn in more dangerous circumstances. Gold chains near saltwater. Diamond studs at lunch. Anklets that whisper “inheritance”. Shells, beads and charms may appear, but ideally in a way that costs enough to avoid looking like they came from a beach market kiosk.
Linen remains compulsory. So does cashmere, absurdly, because the rich have decided that summer evenings require a sweater draped around the shoulders in case the temperature drops from 35 to a terrifying 24. The palette is still white, cream, sand, tobacco, sage, navy if one is French, and something citrus if one has recently discovered joy. The hat is important too. Panama, oversized straw, baseball cap from a private members’ club, or something floppy enough to require its own seat.
For men, the summer uniform is alarmingly predictable: linen shirt, swim shorts that cost a flight, loafers without socks, sunglasses, expensive watch, and the air of someone who has strong opinions about anchoring. For women, it is a kaftan, a basket bag, flat sandals, gold jewellery, a swimsuit that may never touch water, and the ability to look elegant while eating a prawn.
But, the real summer status item is no longer the handbag or the watch. It is the body.
Not in a crude way. In a terrifyingly optimised way. The ultra-rich body of summer 2026 has been stretched, iced, scanned, infused, red-lighted, lymphatically drained, supplemented, sleep-tracked and possibly consulted by someone with “longevity” in their job title. Wellness has become the new seasonal maintenance. You do not simply go on holiday. You arrive already detoxed, de-puffed, measured and are aesthetically and morally superior. Oh well, maybe next year Rodney, we will be ready or rich.
