Of the 158 kids books that I cycle through at bedtime reading, one of my favourites to read with my daughter is called ‘What Moms Can’t Do’.
In it, a young dinosaur muses over all the things his mum “can’t do” during an ordinary day. I’ll give you a few examples –
“Moms can’t wait to wake up kids in the morning”.
“Moms can never pick out just the right clothes … And they have trouble keeping things cleaned up.”
You get the picture.
By flipping the common saying ‘Mums can do anything’ on its head, it positions every daily, minor chore as a challenging task that we couldn’t possibly get done without the help of our kids. It’s cute, even though the hilarious irony of it does sting for a fleeting moment. Perhaps the most on-the-nose line is this – “Sometimes, moms can’t hear themselves think (whatever that means).”
#relatable
There are often moments in motherhood where the overwhelm is such that your brain can feel like scrambled eggs and you simply can’t string together coherent thoughts towards a conclusion. I’m told this phase peaks with toddlers and wanes a bit thereafter until the teens.
But it leads me to think about how the ultimate indulgence for so many mums is precisely this: Space to think. Or simply, just space. Thinking = Optional.
It reminds me of a conversation I had once with my cousin, the same age, with two kids. She told me that all she wanted for her birthday was a solo vacation. Some distance from the people she loves the most. We laughed for 5 minutes straight, because we both knew she wasn’t joking.
If I’m being honest, the word ‘self-care’ in the context of motherhood always makes me cringe, because parenting doesn’t work that way. You can’t just drop everything and start painting your toenails while bingeing Celebrity Traitor. So what does indulgence REALLY look like for mums in 2026?
I crowdsourced my group chats, and what repeatedly came up was, as my sister-in-law put it, “I want to be alone to indulge.”
As I mined all the data I collected, the common thread was this – finding a moment, alone, to engage in an activity that allows a mum to switch off and give her brain a break. The average length of said activities span only 30-60 minutes each, and included the following: any form of exercise (running, gym, walks, tennis), couch time (reading, TV), uninterrupted bathroom time (showers, a mini-facial, applying make-up, a sh*t in peace!), the brutally honest “doom scrolling for some brain rot”, and my own personal favourite indulgence, drive-through burger when the kids are napping in the car.
If you were expecting some nuggets of deep insight here, I’m sorry to disappoint. To me, however, it drove home more than ever that mums really don’t need much to indulge. All they want is a moment to let go, a moment of alone time. THAT is the ultimate luxury. That’s the ever-elusive commodity that, even in small doses, can make a world of difference for our mental health.
A moment with no one pulling at your trousers. No person in your vicinity demanding your eyeballs to look at them with undivided attention.
Here’s the catch – There can be no indulgence without first setting the intention. That’s Step #1. What I mean by this is that alone time is not simply stumbled upon with unexpected glee like the last two Bourbon biscuits in your pantry. Once the thought appears, set the intention.
Step #2 – Ask for help. I’m not saying it’s easy, but if you don’t let your circle know that you want a moment alone out of your usual routine, there’s a good chance it may never happen. Whether that means pulling out your phone right now (do it!) to text your husband/partner/sister/mother, “I need some alone time!”, or sending a leave request to your boss for a half-day off, YOU have to make the first move. This is key.
Finally, once you’ve secured a willing and ideally eager ‘Yes’, comes Step #3 – Look at your diary and schedule an appointment called ‘Alone Time’. Mums ARE master planners, after all.
It’s useless to feel bitter about the fact that nobody is thinking about how much you might need a moment of peace to recharge. Everyone else is quite busy living their own lives and probably just as tired.
But in my experience, when you reach out for help, it might surprise you how many people are happy to indulge you.
