The Bad Date Series – II

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– Part 2 –

Case #5

I’m listening to him and picturing telling my father that my husband-to-be is ‘slightly’ older than him.By about 10 years. A stupid smile spreads over my face, half out of stupefaction, half out of an effort to bring myself to stop him. I could muster saying something, but part of me is always curious to see how far people will take things. *giggle stupidly to myself* Bad Rox! 

He sees me smiling on the Skype cam. Jesus, now he thinks I’m loving the idea..

Anyhow, let’s add the background. Older fellow that is a client of ours. Now, after a failed attempt of hitting on my mother, the fellow decides it is a wise choice to go for the daughter.

So, I find myself on a Skype call where I’m being told how we shall be married in less than 6 months, because obviously, he’s not so young anymore. We’ve all met the women that as soon as they like a guy they’ve already got their lives together planned, children’s names, schooling, vacations, irrespective if the guy is interested in them or not. Well, I met the correspondent male.

Word to the wise: if you have three failed marriages and nothing nice to say about your exes, stop marrying. It’s not them. It’s you.

But I digress. After about half an hour of his monologue about our delusional future together, and after having put too many images in my head that I am still unable to erase, he goes on to tell me that if we are to be married I should know something. He has a will! He feels the need to point out that if the only reason that I’m marrying him is the money, I will get nothing. On that romantic note, I finally explain to him that although I’m very flattered and sure any woman would be lucky to have him, I can’t do that to my family.

He is crushed. Tells me how special I am and he is sure he won’t find anyone else like me.

He’s dating a 25-year-old a week later. Bastard.

Date #6

Against my better judgement, I decided to go out with a guy younger than me.  Disclaimer: the difference was only of a couple of years, and I never proposed marriage to him.

Anyhow, after two dates, he starts calling me more and more often. I realise he has a crush on me and I try to be patient.

A couple of uneventful dates later: I find my phone with 6 missed calls and three text messages telling me it’s urgent to call him.

I open my computer: 2 e-mails and a message on yahoo!messenger asking where I am. I get concerned. It must be really serious, so I call him back.

He answers. Seems really happy to hear from me. Oddly happy for someone who has just been through a near death experience, which would be the only acceptable reason to send me so many messages.

I ask him what happened.

He pauses…then proceeds to tell me he had a really bad dream. I’m still wondering if during his bad dream something awful had happened. No. Just a bad dream. Something about a baby cat. He’s slightly annoyed that I’m not taking him seriously. Even more annoyed that I don’t understand him. Now downright pissy because I am being cold to him. I tell him I’ll call him back.

With due regard for his high consideration of sending texts, I send him an e-mail explaining why we won’t work out. Yes. It was me, not him.

Date #7

Not sure if you’ve ever been out with someone who thinks they could have had a successful career as a stand up comedian. Well, I have.

Long story short, going out with a guy that thought he could have been a famous comedian, while I was silently praying he keeps his day job, meant sitting the whole evening listening to him laugh at his own jokes, be the subject of demeaning hints then listen to him giggle at my inability to grasp his witty sense of humor.

While trying to discern what childhood trauma had caused him to be so attention seeking, I pictured our long-term relationship. Holidays together: wine, food, family… him insulting my mother as a way to break the ice…. Nah, it wasn’t going to work out. Too bad he didn’t find it funny when I told him that.

– To be continued –

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