Location: Supermarket. Browsing items, as one does.
In between the Canned Food & Hygiene Products Section, my gaze falls upon a handsome item, in the form of a tall, light-haired and well-built male.
Without diving into too many details, we bump into each other, have a short conversation about dairy products and his lactose intolerance, and proceed to ask each other questions, as people do when they’re trying to get to know one another.
Now, truth be told, I’m not really hearing what he’s saying, because I’m a little distracted by his eyes, which are an uncommonly bright blue. I’m sure that any red-blooded male can understand: same thing as you guys being distracted by a pair of boobs.
Anyhow, we proceed to chat, giggle, and out of the blue (no pun intended), he takes out his phone to show me something. He hands the mobile over, and I see a picture of a husky dog. Now, I don’t really know how we got to the dog, so the only inspired thing I say is: ” He.Has.Your.Eyes.”
He laughs out loud as I’m slowly sinking into the ground, then graciously knock a couple of items over as I am trying to make my way out of the store. Subtle is my middle name.
Moral of the story: “Make an unforgettable exit.”
Turning back time, location: hall of my high school.
I remember I had a huge crush on one of the older guys. He was into tattoos and cutting class, and those were all my requirements back then. Of course, now I’ve grown and requirements have changed. I’m only impressed by tattoos at this point.
Joking aside, my logic back then was just as skewed as it is now, and the more I liked a guy, the less attention I would give him, so anytime we’d bump into each other I would treat him like he was invisible. Don’t judge.
So, I’m loitering in the hall of the school, and he appears out of nowhere. He launches into a conversation about some art class or another. I don’t realise it, but I’m playing with my hair at this point. I also don’t realise that my mouth is partly paralysed and hanging half open( that must have been a pretty look).
The gum that was in my mouth, is now on the thick strand of hair that I had been playing with. I only notice something is wrong, because he’s stopped talking and is awkwardly staring at me:
“Rox, you have gum in your hair.”
To take awkward to the next level, we both try to get the gum untangled from my hair for the next 20 minutes, resulting in having to cut it out. Awkward or not, we ended up dating three years and a half.:)
Phone rings. I answer, a male voice at the end of the line. He tells me a name I don’t recall and proceeds to invite me to a BBQ that coming Saturday. Gives me a lot of information of how to get there and before I can ask anything, tells me he can’t wait to see me there and hangs up.
I’m with my best friend, so we attempt to piece the puzzle together. I tell her the name. She looks at me funny, not that it is uncommon for her to look at me in this manner.
” I know that guy, but I mean, the last time we saw him was in October last year.”
We calculate together, and come to the conclusion he had called me 9 months later. If he was a woman, I would have suspected baby daddy issues.
Location: with my friends in a club. It’s noisy, people are only half sober, and it’s looking like it’s going to be one of those nights we will struggle to remember.
I’m dating a guy that’s a couple of years younger than me, and this is his scene. As I walk to the bathroom, a hand grabs me, which only makes me pull away with force. As I look back, I see a guy that my date introduced me to a while back, an older gentleman whom he respected a lot. I apologise and ask him if I can help him. He tells me he needs to speak to me and he asks for my number. Slightly uncomfortable, I tell him my number as fast as I can, then I disappear in the crowd.
Next day. Phone rings. Older gentleman on the end of the line. Dives straight into it: he would like to take me out on a date.
Thinking he must not be aware that I’m dating his friend, I reply diplomatically: “I would love to in other circumstances, but I’m seeing your friend.”
” It’s okay, I’m seeing someone too.” he replies without missing a heartbeat.
Thinking to myself that I’m going to enjoy my comeback: “Feel free to take it up with my boyfriend.” Click.