I used to be so in awe of power, luxury, the complex reasoning of extravagant and exclusive things. I used to wish to understand them, how they were created, why, to serve which purpose besides the superficial entertainment of our senses. I put passion into emerging myself with this knowledge.
Then, I wanted more. More than the exclusive, I wanted the reasoning behind people and their interactions. Why they function, how they function…I wouldn’t ever dare say I understood any of it, but I would say I passionately accumulated any piece of information that related to my interests…accumulated, assimilated, engulfed myself in it…
…at one point, I realised it was all useless. Unless you understood yourself, took care of yourself, listened to your own course, nothing was ever going to complete that nagging insecurity that wanted more. It would just feed another need, another insecurity and go on forever.
This evening, 4 days before my 27th birthday, I got the best gift I could have ever wished for. The only notion that tempts me in my present is peace. Faced with the possibility of grandeur, luxury, exclusivity, power, I give grace for my present, as it is…as it may seem. And as modest as it may seem to many, I am grateful for it. Genuine, peaceful, loving, sincere. All that knowledge I strived to earn to make me better, has not changed me from the outside, has not made me special, but it has given me insight to what really matters to me. That’s enough. Enough to have me walking around smiling to myself as if I own a secret the world knows nothing about. 🙂
Filed under: Journal of my soul Tagged: amazing, choices, culture, dinner, earning, funny, knowledge, life, living, loving, opera, passion, present, superficial, woman 
