…she messages that it’s urgent to come over and you find her giggling and drunk.
…you turn her down gently, explaining you’re seeing someone and you find her by your mother’s bed in the hospital, telling the nurses she’s your girlfriend.
…her idea of a cozy evening is taking your Mastercard on a shopping spree. And buying you a pair of socks.
…she insists on drinking only champagne, as she’s allergic to any other type of drink. Including water.
…she sends you texts every two hours asking you if you’re ok. Calls your office when you don’t answer.
…she wants to discuss your relationship only when you’re exhausted/ drunk/ sleeping.
…she feels insulted if you don’t contradict her when she says she’s fat. Gets upset and calls you a liar if you do.
…she feels offended you don’t want her whenever she has a green face mask on and curlers in her hair.
…she buys herself things and insists she bought them for you.
…she insists on competitive drinking with your friends.
…she spends the evening flirting with the waiter. Then gets mad because you’re not jealous.
…she has your mother on speed dial a week into your relationship.
…she calls her mother every time you have a fight. Then calls yours.
…she asks you to exchange her Valentine’s gift for another one.
…she insists on saving you money by telling you getting a car is better than paying for taxis. A Bentley Continental GT.
…after having sex she asks you to pay the last installment on her Mercedes.